Addiction

So my brother has quit smoking. Again. This time he did some laser treatment. Laser acupuncture. This time he seems like he has a handle on it. He's drastically reduced all the other things he does while he smokes - drinking coffee, drinking liquor, working at the bar. He's thinking it through - he's got a game plan - he's got attainable goals. I hope it works.

My parents smoked. My dad smoked when I was a kid and he quit cold turkey when John was born. My mom quits smoking every so often - stays away from cigs for a year, maybe two or three, and then one day, out of the blue, starts smoking again for no good reason (at least, not as far as I can see).

How come my dad could quit cold turkey? Why can't my mom or my brother?

I've never smoked, but I know how addictive it is. It just isn't my addiction...um...one of my addictions.

I love to gamble. I love to play cards. Mix cards and gambling and I'm there. Vegas? It's my Sin City. I turn into someone else there. I stay up all night, get a few hours of sleep, and gamble like a fiend. I spend too much money. I lose too much money. Every dollar I win may as well be a thousand for the rush I win. Every dollar I lose is immediately denied that it's just a dollar - as if that means it's just a penny.

Cards. Slots. Craps. Ding Ding Ding. Noises, smells, chaos. I love it. It is a drug for me. Play the ATM - you'll win every time. Play the ATM and then play a real game. How much did you lose? I didn't lose, I spent. I gave myself an entertainment budget and I am still within budget. I am paying for entertainment. Yeah. If Scott and I go to the movies we're out $30 for tickets and drinks and we've spent 2 or more hours. In Vegas? I can spend $100 in an hour. Not really fiscally responsible. Of course, with the crappy movies that have come out in the past year or so it feels more like I am losing money on the movies. Crash. Totally overrated. Star Wars. Don't get me started. I'd rather play cards. Hell, I'd rather have my eyeballs massaged by a porcupine than see another installment of Star Wars. I loved Episodes 4, 5, and 6. The rest are pure crap. Don't get me started! Where was I? Oh yes, the fiscal dilemma that is Vegas.

The worst part? Scott hates gambling. He loves the card games. He does well. He can last on $100 twice as long as I can. When I start to do badly I switch gears - head over to the slots. He hates slots. He'll only play the slots if there is some secondary game, like Monopoly or Wheel of Fortune. And he does really well at them. I love it - I have no luck. He hates it - he has all the luck. You'd think the irony alone would snap me out of this gambling nonsense.

As if.

He's off playing blackjack, and I burn through my allotted money for the night. So I go play the ATM game. I run into Scott later and he's surprised that I still have some of my money left. I sheepishly fess up. Now I have to split the money. I hate that. It's our money - he's entitled to half. I want it all. I want to gamble, have a drink, cavort, snark, cheer, get rowdy. And I do.

It can be years between trips, but when I go I want to go full out - I like meeting up with my friends with the worst vices. I want the people that bring out the worst in me, I want to gamble like I have money to burn, drink like alcohol is good for me, and treat the buffets like it's my last meal.

When I get home I will have the Vegas hangover. I am usually totally burnt out. I'm back to going to bed by 11, up by 6, working 8 - 5. Not drinking. Not cavorting. Still snarking. How much did we spend? On gambling? Seriously? I don't remember the second visit to the ATM that night. Or that night. Or that night. Oh that was Scott? I feel better about that one.

So John is going to Vegas this summer. So is some friend of mom's. Mom thinks we should all meet up there. Mom hates Vegas - she's another non-gambling person. John is a gambler. He makes me look like a beginner when it comes to spending in Vegas. He and I will gamble and be obnoxious morning, noon, and night. We will spend insane amounts of money. We will give each other the world's worst Vegas hangovers. This would be bad. It would be fun, but it would be very bad.

We're all addicted to something. Some people are addicted to lots of things. Some addictions are relatively harmless, some destroy lives. I guess we all get our buzz some how.