Why am I sparkly?

Ok, short rant this morning.

I bought a new foundation powder called Illumination. I thought the description sounded cool.

Here's what happened when I dusted my face this morning: I look like I am covered in sparkles.

The Illuminating factor apparently is designed to either make you look like some goofy child who played with sparkles, or worse yet, like you are sweating (okay, "glowing" but still, eew).

I guess the name bucket o' sparkly stuff didn't test well.

Damn you Illumination!

Beagles are People too!

I've got a Beagle.

I had a Snoopy infatuation from the moment I saw my first Peanuts cartoon. Snoopy was the coolest. I had to get a Beagle.

I named my Beagle Archie, after Archie Goodwin, the Man of Action from the Nero Wolfe mysteries. I named him that because, in one book, Archie says, "Well, I'm no Beagle..." and well, it just fit.

Archie, a.k.a Archie the Wonder Beagle; Archie Goodwin, Beagle of Action; Big Fat Beagle; Archie with the Big Beagle Belly; and of course, the Regal Beagle (Recently I was trying to tell Archie to stop being a nutjob and somehow it came out NutButt and Scott loves that one best).

I've had Archie since he was a puppy. I didn't do any homework about Beagles. I assumed they were all like Snoopy. I really should have done some research. I still would have gotten a Beagle, but at least I would have been prepared.

Archie eats any and all people food*. It doesn't matter if you say no. It doesn't matter if it is on the table. It doesn't matter if it is on the counter. What matters is he can reach it, and he got to it before you could stop him. Squirt him with water? He doesn't care. Smack him? Ditto. Yell? Ha. Chase? Oh, a reward! If you want to punish him, you have to have food and not let him have it. You have to actually taunt him to see him react like he is being punished. That's the only way to punish him. And then? Puppy-dog-eyes and I cave. He is more stubborn than I am.

*The funny thing is that he is a food snob. Asparagus? Raw or cooked is fine. Mushrooms? Must be cooked. Chicken or Beef? Either. Fish? First he has to make this smacking noise, drop the fish on the ground, roll his head in it, stand up, stare at it, roll his back in it, stand up, sniff it, and then finally eat it.

When he was a puppy he learned how to knock a beer bottle over and lick up the contents before I came back in the room. Sticky tables and dry carpets were the only things that gave him away (Many thanks to Bobby Sunshine for teaching this trick to Archie, along with some other ones that call Bobby's common sense into question).

The beagle has some other, shall we say interesting traits. He has a foot fetish. He wants to lick your bare feet. Between the toes. On the heel. For like an hour. Sometimes he'll lick the bottom of my sock in an attempt to get me to remove it. If I have a bare foot under the covers he will go in under the covers after it. Likewise he loves any and all sweat. If you exercise and then sit down where he can reach you, every drop of sweat is his. Push him away? Nonsense. He will fight his way back. He's really helping you out, you know.

He also has toxic gas. SBD in ways I cannot describe. Many a nights I have awoken to find his ass on my pillow, in my face, and the smell of death and garbage surrounding my head. At that point I promptly turn over and fart in his face. Tit for tat.

When he gets cranky he barks. Sure, all dogs do that, but Archie propels himself backwards as he barks. The more he barks the further back he goes. Sometimes he'll bark until he hits a wall. Sometimes he adjusts his route so that he barks himself in a circle, or down the stairs, or into another dog - and then he acts offended - Out of my way, dog, I'm talking with the other people.

He sings. If I sing, he sings along. The worse I sing, the more he sings. Scott hates this because it means I intentionally sing as badly as I can just to get Archie to sing along.

He's demanding. If he knows I am leaving the house he will follow me around until I give him a treat and say good-bye. If I am packing for a trip he will come into the room, sit on the bed, turn his back on me, glare at me over his shoulder, and once I notice it, he will snap his head around and actively shun me.

However, the craziest thing of all about Archie is that he thinks he is a person.

Really.

How do I know this?

• He won't play with the other dogs. They are dogs. He played fetch and tug-of-war and all doggie games when he was the only dog. Once another dog came along, and he saw them doing that, he completely stopped. Only dogs do that. I am not doing that. Do that with the dog.
• He sleeps in the bed with his head on the pillow and his body under the covers (unless you are unlucky and he is turned around, per my example above).
• He does this crabby wake-up routine that rivals Scott's. When you turn the light on, he does this squinting thing, then yawns, licks his lips, squints again, and then puts his head back on the pillow. Not yet mom, another five minutes.
• When Archie is on the bed or a chair, and you tell him to move, he'll give you this look like, Are you fucking kidding me? I was here first, jackass. Find another spot. Hey, stop pushing me!
• When we tell the dogs to go out he barks at the other dogs. Get out you dogs! You heard mom and dad. All the people are telling you to go outside. When this is followed by one of us saying, "You too, Archie" he looks crestfallen. Of course, this applies to anything we tell the dogs to do.
• When we activate the alarm Archie tries to leave with us. The voice said the people should exit the premises. Why are you pushing me back inside?
• He's stubborn and vindictive. One year I left Archie with my dad while I went on vacation. Dad loves to read, and Archie was not getting as much attention as he would have liked. So, when dad put his glasses down on the coffee table and left the room, Archie promptly chewed them up and then left them where dad would immediately find them. Another time, Archie was trying to let my mom know he had to go outside. When she ignored him he looked at her and pissed right there in front of her. I said I have to go out, woman!
• He is downright sneaky. Archie loves when we grill - steak, chicken, fish, it doesn't matter. Once we are inside he sneaks into the back of the grill and pulls out the drip tray and shreds it. Also? He ripped and stripped the ignition wiring when we started finding ways to thwart his drip tray access. If I can't have my drippings, you can't have your grill. (Eventually Scott outsmarted him on this, but I know it is only a matter of time before they have another battle of wills over the grill.)
• He smacks people. If he needs to go out and you don't respond to the barking he will come and smack your leg. Have some food that you are selfishly not sharing? He will smack your leg. Are the dogs out of food and/or water? He will smack your leg. Does he want something from you and you have no idea what it is? He will smack your face. Just like a man, he uses physical force to get your attention.

Of course, it must be said that while he insists he is a person, he would never be as loved if he was one. He is too stubborn and obnoxious to have such a cushy life as a person.

But...

When I am lonely? He's totally there. When I am unhappy? He's totally there. If I cry? He licks the tears off of my face. He's not the first dog I have ever had. He's not the only dog I currently have. He is, however, one of a kind.

TV Finales

Note: my cable has been out all week. So the only finales I have actually seen have been the ABC ones that have thankfully been available online after the finale airs everywhere.

Second Note: Contains spoilers

Finales are hard. There is so much to do, such limited time to do it in, and there is a delicate balance that recent shows seem to completely misunderstand.

Season finales seem to suffer from the inevitable, we want to wrap some things up, but we also need to tease you over the summer phenomenon. Season 1 of Lost really seemed to struggle with this the most, as they focused more on the teaser and less on the wrap-up and thereby incurred the wrath of many fans.

Season two of Lost ended with an overcorrection – too much wrap-up and not enough teaser. The ending of season two reunited Michael and Walt, left Jack, Kate, and Sawyer hostage, and left Sayid, Jin and Sun out on a boat (don’t even ask), the button unpushed, chaos, and Locke and Eko possibly dead inside the hatch.

The rest of these lost-a-ways were having a bonfire.

So, the season ends with the constant that when people are missing, other people either do not notice, or do not have the impetus to do anything about it. All the people who would notice and care are either hostage, on a boat, or trapped in the hatch.

The one thing you can say about Lost… no one knows what anyone else is doing… so the season finale is just like the rest of the season. That is my ringing endorsement.

I missed the season finale of House, but based on the TWOP recaplet and the boards, it sounds like an episode that would have annoyed me as a season ender. This, if you ask anyone who knows my TV habits, is shocking, as Hugh Laurie is the only man I would ditch my husband for. (Okay, not really, but… he is lovely.)

The dream/hallucination storyline is sucky. In a regular episode it totally sucks. As a finale? Screw you. That is totally wrong.

Moving on.

The Series Finale.

The Series Finale suffers a worse fate – to wrap up an entire series in a satisfying way. No cliffhangers, no teasers. Closure. Happy endings. Believable happy endings.

So you know where this is going: Alias.

Alias is a show I was hooked on from the moment I saw Sydney Bristow (Jennifer Garner) in that pink wig strutting into CIA HQ and telling the desk matron that Director Devlin had a walk-in.

Who is this crazy brash broad?

I missed the first half of that episode. The promos made me think it would be a poor man’s La Femme Nikita (and I mean the movie, NOT the TV show, and NOT the horrible Bridget Fonda “homage” to La Femme Nikita, which, please, someone deserves extreme dental work for that entire film).

I was so wrong.

I loved her. She was smart, funny, and insanely athletic. And? She was strangely naïve, trusting, and vulnerable.

She did it all – super spy, super student, super girl-friend, super friend. We saw the struggle to do it all – the other characters saw her doing things “effortlessly”. We knew the struggle – with her dad, her boss, her job, her compartmentalizing her entire life, keeping her friends in the dark to keep them safe, juggling the craziness of her life.

Season two brought Sydney a new challenge: her mother. Magnificent Lena Olin – as Irina Derevko - simultaneously pulled at our heart strings because we wanted her to develop a relationship with Sydney, and scared the ever-living-crap out of us, because we knew she was smarter than us, more devious, not to be trusted, up to something, totally scheming, and yet…? She was totally cool and Syd’s mom – and just like the rest of us, Syd wanted her mother’s love and approval.

They had a stunning dynamic on screen. The relationship was written perfectly – acted perfectly – and then you throw in Victor Garber as Jack Bristow, and you have the most amazing Spy Family. Spy Mommy, Spy Daddy, Spy Baby, and they bicker like a real family and then they go thwart evil, bicker more, shoot baddies, bicker, and have real moments.

Season two was a masterpiece. I dare anyone to prove otherwise.

Seasons three, four, and five were hard. We wanted Lena back. We wanted Lauren to go away. We wanted Rachel and Tom to go away. We wanted Dixon to lose the dreads. Please man, those were so bad.

Syd got pregnant (Okay, Jennifer got pregnant and somehow they decided it was a good plotline). We wanted Syd to sit down and not do roundhouse kicks while she was pregnant with a big baby belly. It was disturbing to watch that. The best scenes with her preggers were in mentoring Rachel. And not because of Rachel. Because we saw that Syd was no longer that girl who was tricked into being a spy for the bad guys, she was now knowledgeable and able to mentor without coming across as a know-it-all. It was a good fit.

Rubbing her belly and cooing over a craps table? Really kind of icky.

All of this preamble is leading somewhere – trust me.

So now we’ve had this uneven 4+ years – the first two knocked your socks off, the latter years still hold you in case Lena shows back up, or even just to see Syd and Jack interact – because the dynamic and chemistry between them was completely undeniable. They were always completely believable as family – and even when the missions were crap, or Rachel or Tom spoke, or Dixon did something weird with his hair (did he not get to play dress-up enough?) we could always rely on Jack and Syd – father and daughter, working together in a world full of total distrust, arguing about who to trust, with what, when, etc. How many of us have ever thought, Wow, I’d really like to work for my dad in a role where I will have to stand up to him on a daily basis? Um. That would be none of us. And if Jack Bristow was your dad? He is so good at killing people. His skill is a crime in and of itself. This is not an easy man to defy.

Okay, so how do you wrap it up?

We’ve got this whole Rambaldi storyline that started in season one – we’ve gotta wrap that up. We know Spy Mommy has always had an agenda – we’ve gotta wrap that up. Sloane has spent too much time going from bad to “good” to bad again – we’ve gotta pick a position (evil, duh) and then make him unforgivable. And then? He killed Syd’s fiancé in season 1. She’s spent the last 5 years wanting to kill him. Are we going to do something about that?

And now we have these extra characters – Rachel, Tom, Peyton (played by Amy Acker – and can I say how much fun she is to watch? First Fred, then Ilyria, now Peyton – she’s a hoot). And, a new group of baddies – Prophet 5. What are we going to do with them? And then we’ve got the whole, Syd was kidnapped and tortured by her mom, while pregnant, and there’s this creepy nursery set up for when the baby is born. What does Spy Mommy want with the baby? Who is she working for?

And even better? We spent the first half of season 5 introducing Rachel, Tom, and Peyton to set up a spin-off… and that’s not going to happen. Great. And, we find out mid-set-up that Alias is officially going off the air. Great. And then? Then we find out that they aren’t getting the full run of episodes.

5 years of storylines. Rambaldi has to be wrapped up. Syd is supposed to bring about the end of the world. The prophecy says so.

So that’s another problem. You can’t end a series with the apocalypse. I know that this is fiction and all, but there’s that whole, “then how are we here to know the story” thing that your audience can’t get over. This takes place on earth, with people and everything, so there is some realism that is required.

So now we need an out – fulfill the prophecy, but basically everyone misunderstood it. Check.

Let Syd finally kill Sloane. Yay! Whoo hoo! About f'ing time! Check.

Make Syd have a battle with her mother. Force Irina into a stance as a baddie. She picks being bad over her daughter. Syd kills Spy Mommy. Bummer. But mom - don't you love us? We love you. Sigh. Check.

Spy Daddy. Spy Daddy and Sloane were peers from the beginning. Friends at some points. What does Spy Daddy do now that Sloane is dead? Well, we bring Sloane back from the dead. Rambaldi’s secret was immortality (only he didn’t live to use it??). So now Sloane’s back. Crap. Ah, Spy Daddy comes to kill Sloane… but Sloane. Is. Immortal. Um?

Well, the good (?) news is that Spy Daddy is dying from multiple gun shot wounds. So Spy Daddy traps Sloane for all of eternity with a big blast. Spy Daddy dies (no fair!) and Sloane is trapped alone for all of eternity. Um, okay.

Prophecy – check
Killing parents to force protagonist to be the adult – check
Killing bad boss – check
Good guys win – check
Bad guys lose – check

It’s an easy formula – and yet, if you ask anyone, the episode was supremely disappointing.

Was it because it was a bittersweet ending? Not really. I mean, we all hated to see Jack die. We all hated that Spy Mommy didn’t choose to love Syd above all else. But that isn’t it (Although, seriously, that was painful. Where’s opium-smoking Freud when you need him?).

It was too rushed. It was too neat. It was too sterile. It was too much of a foregone conclusion.

My expectations were incredibly low. I was unspoiled, but knew there was too much to do and that it wouldn’t feel satisfactory. If it were a stand-alone episode it would be one I wouldn’t have any interest in watching again.

The acting was superb. There was just too much for the writers to do, so it turned into tons of action and tiny bits of exposition to try to sum up 5 years. You can’t do it well. You shouldn’t do it at all.

I blame the networks for this crap. When a series is cut short prematurely the story suffers, and that makes the viewers suffer.

For some reason finales are hyped for weeks, and whether it’s the hype, or the things that finales must overcome, they are always disappointing. The good ones make you agonize for the first month about having to wait for another 3 months. The bad ones make you roll your eyes and say, Well, that’s an hour I am never getting back.

I mean, seriously, if the guy invented immortality, why is he dead?

Humidity with a slight chance of Stairs?

I lived in Tucson, AZ for 10 1/2 years. There are many things that Tucson has that other places don't. There are, however, two remarkable things they don't have that everyone else generally does:

Humidity and Stairs

I grew up in the Midwest, so both the aforementioned items were pervasive in my formative years. Over time, living in Tucson, I forgot about those things - as if they no longer existed.

Now, living just West of our Nation's capital, I'm re-learning.

When Scott and I were house hunting I found myself excited at the prospect of having multiple floors again. I didn't seriously think about the cleaning, or how the laundry would travel from the 2nd floor into the basement and back again.

I didn't think about how many times a day I would forget something on another floor and find myself questioning the need for said item.

When we talked about how great it would be to have a finished basement to use as an office and a game room, it never occurred to us that being finished was not the same thing as having a phone line. Neither of us relish the idea of running upstairs every time the phone rings. Luckily, we found a phone outlet in perhaps the most inconvenient spot in the basement, and then bought phones that came in a bundle - 3 phones, 3 handsets, each with caller ID and speakerphone. Who knew such a thing existed? Who would've thought I'd be so happy to have one?

We also never considered how fascinating the basement would be to the dogs. It's different down here. It smells different. They do different stuff down here. It's not like upstairs. The basement is in fact so fascinating, that if we dare enter it without them, they bark as if they are fighting for their very lives.

The household stairs pose another problem, this one we saw right away, but decided it was not a deal breaker. There is only one exit to the backyard - a sliding glass door through the kitchen. It isn't really big enough to add in a doggie door. Even if it was, the door opens directly onto steps leading into the yard. I explained to Scott my horrific image of one of the dogs spastically jumping through the door in mid chase only to find himself tumbling down the stairs and going splat on the patio below. If you imagine it as a cartoon it is very funny. If you imagine it with the pain, and the crying, and the vet bills...not so much. So, these dogs who are so used to going out whenever they please are not very happy with us when we leave for the day.

So, when we are home, we usually have the back door flung open, letting the dogs have some semblance of what they were used to. This arrangement has a short shelf life, because come summer, the windows and doors will be shut tight to keep in the precious AC.

Summer. It is only May and we have 80% humidity every day, and most days have some rain, even if only for a few minutes. I love the rain. I love the lush green foliage all over the area. I love the feel of rain, the smell of rain, the sound of rain.

I do not like humidity.

Humidity is that thing that makes your hair frizz. It's that thing that, while walking out to the car, even when it is chill and damp, makes a drop of sweat run down your forehead or under your arm. But I am not exercising. I am not exerting myself. Why on earth am I damp?

In Tucson there is much ado about the "dry heat" and I never thought anything of it after my first summer. Your first summer in Tucson is a novelty. It's very hot, but you really don't sweat. You feel completely dry. Almost as if something is sucking the moisture right out of you. Each subsequent summer is something you mildly dread, but remind yourself that it doesn't last long, and at least you can get tan in the time it takes to walk to your car.

In Tucson, when it is 115 degrees and some yahoo is in line next to you and he says, "But issa darrryyy heat" you want to smack him. Because let's be serious - humidity or not, no one should be exposed to anything over 100 degrees. It's inhuman.

But now I realize that slurring fool (and all his kin) had a point. You can still move around in 115 degrees. Sure, it should be indoors, and it should be brief, but you aren't worried about melting into a puddle. Add humidity to the mix, and anything approaching 90 degrees is dangerous. To be fair, in Tucson no one is deliberately outside to do anything besides go from building to car and back again when it is over 100 degrees. Air conditioning is a powerful friend in both regions.

At least in VA there are no warnings about dashboards and windshields cracking from the intense heat and sun - at least the humidity trades for car destruction.

Of course, in VA there are no warnings about the stairs either.

Audio Books

Since I have moved to VA I find myself spending far more time in the car – and more time in the car means more time that I have to fill my brain with various and sundry to do lists for me and for Scott. Remedy? Audio Books.

I’ve always been an avid reader – and I can easily burn through 100 pages an hour if I like the book/content/topic. If I don’t like it…well…I just put it down.

So while I have never sought out audio books before, it seemed like a logical thing to do to make my time in the car more pleasant and relaxing, less anxiety-induced task-master I have a hundred things to do and I am stuck in the car – and even get to have some hobby time.

But there is this thing about audio books – you need to listen.

So Scott will tell you that I am indeed not the best listener in the world, because while I am not clinically ADD I am easily distracted. I suffer from a severe case of the “Ooh, something shiny” phenomenon.

Being that I am not a naturally great listener, I can’t say that I am catching everything. Of course part of that has to do with the fact that I am driving, and therefore need to pay attention to the road. Another part of it is that it isn’t an ensemble cast – so I am hearing one person read aloud – doing “character voices” to distinguish between speakers. But. It’s the same guy. No matter what change in his voice he employs? Still sounds like him.

Audio books really should use either multiple actors or use someone that really has a range of voices that are distinct. Take the cast of the Simpsons, for instance. Most of them are able to do multiple characters, and until you get really familiar with them, you might not know which half a dozen are done by Hank Azaria and which are done by Dan Castellaneta.

And there’s another thing with the voices. When you read a book, if you are anything like me, you conjure your own character voices in your head. Listening to someone else’s interpretation of the voices is sometimes quite painful. I’m currently listening to The Black Mountain, by Rex Stout, as narrated by Michael Prichard. Now I am sure that the producers think he is the cat’s meow because they used him for the whole series of Rex Stout mysteries. I, however, do not want to listen to him again. He isn’t horrible or grating. Quite the contrary – I find him almost too smooth – so I find myself easily disengaging from the story because it starts to sound like background noise (so each time I start to drift, I turn the volume up).

It’s also hard because the pacing feels off. Archie Goodwin has very snappy banter. Nero Wolfe is very thoughtful, methodical, and exact. The pacing seems the same for both - so I have to listen for the subtleties to hear the transition from one character to another.

His Wolfe is starting to grow on me. I say that with some reserve, but I firmly believe that if I picked up another audio book in a few months, I would find it as grating as I did at the beginning of this one. However, I have now been listening to him for 3 days straight, and Wolfe is becoming tolerable.

But not so with Archie. It’s a strange book for his character, so I don’t put the full onus on Prichard. But. Archie is a man of action, sharp, witty, and yes, in this book, quite frustrated. But Archie is not a whiner. And that’s the feeling I get from Prichard. And I don’t like it.

So I figure that by the end of this week I will be through with The Black Mountain and then I can either start on the Agatha Christie compilation or on Julius Caesar.

At this point I cannot say that I am particularly looking forward to either. I fear they will suffer from the same issues that The Black Mountain does.

I’m thinking someone should produce audio books by the Simpsons cast. Imagine, if you will, the Simpsons cast doing any Shakespeare play. You would so totally listen to that. Or South Park – I would love to hear Cartman as Hamlet. Absolutely ridiculous – but certainly entertaining. I would even love to hear Cartman as Wolfe – with Stan as Archie and Kyle as Saul and Kenny as Fritz – and Officer Barbrady as Purley Stebbins? Genius.

So if you are out there, oh great Hank, Trey, Matt, Dan and all the others… think about it. I know I would buy them in a heartbeat.

It's called FREEDOM of speech

So bear with me because I need to come at this in a roundabout way.

Aaron Sorkin is easily one of the best writers of this generation. He made me passionate about politics when I hate everything there is about politics. Movies like The American President and shows like the West Wing (when Sorkin wrote for it) have the best dialog, intelligent characters. You name it - it rocks.

I bring this up as a preamble to my topic because I want to intro with a quote from The American President:

America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've got to want it bad, because it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil who is standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the 'land of the free'? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then you can stand up and sing about the 'land of the free.'"

Now, here's the topic that you aren't expecting: Bill Cosby.

Bill Cosby is making news here in DC for saying things that are outraging people. It's all over the bloody news.

At this writing I have no idea what he said that was so controversial. I don't actually care. You see, when I was a kid my dad took me and my little brother to see Bill Cosby in concert. It was when The Cosby Show was just taking off and we were big fans. That was not a concert for kids, and Cosby said so right off the bat. We stayed.

I think we stayed for lots of reasons. One is that my parents really didn't shelter us from grown-up conversations and concepts. Another is that my dad was really looking forward to it. Another is that after driving into the city with a pre-teen and her little brother there was no way he was getting back in the car without a nice respite.

I'm glad we stayed.

I can't honestly say I remember any of the jokes, or even any of the topics, it was a lifetime ago. I remember thinking at the time how cool it was that I got to hear an adult concert, especially one which I was sure my brother was too young to understand, and was nothing like Eddie Murphy Raw (I loved that too, but that is another story). And for some reason that applies only to me at that very moment, I felt like a grown-up because I got to stay and hear everything, and I felt like I was accepted even though no one looked around and flashed the secret "you are an adult now" gang sign.

Over the years I've read transcripts of speeches Cosby has given, and I must say that while I have never had a vested interest in his topics I think he is amazing for standing up and saying things that risk his popularity. Some may think he doesn't care what others think. I think he does.

One of the things I admire most about it is that it never seems like one of these: "I am a celebrity - believe in my causes" speeches. He is trying to make a difference and he is saying things that people don't want to hear.

I guess that's one of the things that makes me sick about the news - it's so sensational - always so much drama for a show that is supposed to be about facts - events - things that happened. The news jumps on the drama and that's what they show us.

So I'm sitting at home tonight, watching House, and a teaser comes on for the news with the Cosby story as a lead story. And it is sordid! Sordid! Dramatic! Can you believe it?!?

Stop it.

The man said something - and he was free to do so. It's what this country is based on. If you don't like what the man has to say, you have options: 1. Don't listen, 2. Respond with an intelligent counter argument and have a constructive dialog, or don't listen.

I don't know what he said or why he said it. It's immaterial to me. The man earned my respect long ago, and he continues to earn in whenever I read the transcripts.

We all have this right. The ACLU ensures that we get to exercise this right. There are so many things in the world that I disagree with - and I'll be the first to admit that I would not be the one helping the Nazis march in Skokie, but I am glad that someone does - because it means that I will always have someone to back my play when I want to say something.

While I can never be as poetic as Sorkin, I think he and I agree on this point: if you don't believe in freedom of speech, you've come to the wrong place.

Da Bears - 20 year retrospective with Chris

So today I spent some time chatting up my good friend Chris about Da Bears and football in general. Herein lies the discourse:

Sara: So I am trying to engage my brother in a back-and-forth for my blog comparing the 85 bears to the 2005 bears - my premise is that 85 didn't have that much greater talent, but they had infinitately more heart, and that is why they were the greater team

Chris: OK

Sara: I was just thinking that would be a good read

Chris: It certainly would. Plus, anyone who can defend Gary Fencik as having "talent" should be entertaining.

Sara: OH! I love him. He's why I started watching football

Chris: Easily the best of the rappers.

Sara: I had a total crush on him. I must have walked in while he was giving an interview and I was done for - I was like 13 or something - I was totally smitten

Chris: :)

Sara: and when I saw the 20 year special I still thought he looked good. But I was thinking more of Singletary and Dent - the things they talked about in the retrospective. Mike Singletary was saying that the defense would come over and coach the offense - tell them what to look for, how to hit, how to play, etc. And the offense started doing the same. They believed they had to do this because they all wanted it so badly - not just the winning - they wanted to be their best.

Richard Dent or Dan Hampton talked about how in huddles they would bet each other about who could sack the QB the most. Or when a runner was about to reach some goal in a game against them, they said in the huddle, "whoever hits him, hold him up, and we'll all tackle him - he doesn't get another yard in this game" and that's exactly what they did.

They saw it as a game and they loved to play

I sometimes look at teams now and think they are just there for the money. You look at someone like T.O. with some amazing god-given talent, but no heart and because of it he will never be great

Chris: Absolutely.

Sara: Guys like Singletary were great because they had the talent and the heart - and he had so much heart that it was contagious to the team - so someone like Fencik (my first love, le sigh!) may not have been great, but he played with heart. I loved watching that retrospective because they were all so into it - then and now

Chris: What about McMahon?

Sara: heh, the punky QB? I have mixed feelings about him. Certainly he was passionate, Certainly he was a leader, certainly he was injury prone…

Chris: He's an ass.

Sara: I was getting to that ;)

Chris: (And a misogynistic one, if the reports are to be believed.)

Sara: Yeah, who knows. BUT, look at the chemistry of a team like that vs. the Bears this last season.

Sara: Could you imagine, if you had a time machine that only went to football games (impractical, I know) - there are some games you'd have to see. I'd take almost any game of that season for the Bears. Oddly, I would not take the SuperBowl. I have issues there. Glad we won and all, but not much of a game to watch.

Chris: It seems like a no-brainer. Does anyone really think the 2005 Bears were really more than above average in a watered down conference and weak division?

Sara: Surprisingly, yes. Scott and I were at Old Chicago on game days to watch football last season. The crowd there was very enthusiastic about the Bears. They really thought they would go all the way. I spent all season saying it would never happen.

Chris: Hm.

Chris: That surprises me.

Sara: You know rabid fans - they get caught up in it and won't see it for what it is. For me it's more of a then and now retrospective. Why were the '85 Bears successful while the 2005 Bears weren't. I know it seems like a no-brainer, but it isn't as if the Bears are without talent.

Chris: No, but on a position by position basis even, they're clearly inferior, starting with the QB, RB and defense. (And you're going to hit me, but Urlacher needs to pony up another good season soon, or he's going to land in Overratedsville.)

Sara: Urlacher - one of my favs - he was supposed to be the next Mike Singletary. He isn't. But he is the best substitute we've had since Singletary retired. So sadly, I agree. He has not lived up to the hype.

Chris: Also, you've been a victim of some absolutely insanely bad drafts.

Sara: Oh yeah. And again, injuries. And bad trades, etc. Speaking of - I think that will kill the Pats this upcoming season, but that is just me.

Sara: Okay - time machine. You can go to any game in the history of football. What game do you go to and why?

Chris: Hm.

Sara: It's hard, right?

Sara: I mean, do you want to see Theisman break his leg live?

Chris: Nope

Chris: Easy

Sara: Ok - what game?

Chris: 1993 AFC Wild Card game --- Houston v. Buffalo, where Frank Reich leads the greatest comeback in NFL history against my then-beloved Oilers.

Sara: Because of the comeback?

Chris: Yep. Just to be in the crowd and see if the surreal feeling I got watching that game at home was intensified by actually being there watching it

Sara: See, I'm thinking before my time...things like the first SuperBowl - like what was that like? Or Theisman - just to know you are at one of those games that become infamous and to say you had been there.

Sara: Or, because I have always been a Bears fan any Payton game - but especially record-breaking games.

Chris: oic

Sara: I'm not dissing your choice - I'm just explaining my frame of mind.

Chris: sure

Sara: Granted I am always a fan of watching amazing play.

Sara: Which is why I actually really liked the last 4 minutes of the Pittsburg / Indy game in post-season. The end of that game was phenomenal.

Sara: So - your Bucs... can they do it in 06?

Chris: Heck anybody can do it....Simms and Cadillac and our new O-line need one more year together before the offense clicks, though.

Sara: Did you pick up any good drafts?

Chris: We got the WR from Notre Dame and a couple of linemen that we desperately needed. Nothing huge, but we don't have any glaring holes to fill anyway.

Sara: I think the best thing the Bears have going on for ‘06 is Lovie Smith and that the team seems to be getting the hang of his coaching. But, we still have QB issues.

Chris: Yes. Lovie Smith is unquestionably a good thing.

Sara: He's the best we have had in a long time.

Chris: (Plus, he's a member of the Tony Dingy coaching tree.)

Chris: *Dungy

Sara: LOL. I am sure he would appreciate being known as Coach Dingy

And so we close this chapter and hope that Brother John will come through with some exciting insight about Da Bears.

Our favorite new game (she said sarcastically)

Since we’ve arrived in VA we must have made dozens upon dozens of calls to get services set up. This has led to our favorite new game: let me speak to a supervisor.

Now I have to give a disclaimer or two first: 1. I do everything in my power not to escalate, because once upon a time I used to do tech support and I know it’s a thankless job and I know you can only do so much. 2. I usually do all of the arranging and follow-up bitch-slapping.

This time is different.

First, Scott is taking on most of the utilities because he wants things the way he wants them, and the new place was his responsibility. You get the drift. I cannot even begin to explain how weird this is for me – it’s thrilling to not do this stuff – I hate it. It’s wonderful to know it’s being taken care of. It’s nerve-wracking to see this incredibly patient man become so frustrated with the incompetent and lazy in the call center world. Scott is an uber-geek programmer. He is smart, patient, technical, methodical, and did I mention patient? The man should teach classes in patience.

Second, because Scott is patient, because he is newer than I at this, I have to suggest when to escalate.

So the scenarios of late go like this: Scott calls the cable company because the installer was supposed to come between 11 – 2, and it is now 2:30. We’re sorry, they are running a little behind. They should be there shortly. Now it is 3:15 and there is no sign of them. We’re sorry, they are running a little behind. They should be there shortly. Now it’s after 3:45. Um, the person that is supposed to install your stuff isn’t even working today. Now Scott is angry – angry Scott is not good. No one wants angry Scott. He doesn’t yell, but you can tell that you do not want angry Scott. Now he is asking why he has gotten the run around all day and insists they send someone else out immediately. We’re going to send someone right over. Scott wants to know when he will be here. By 4:30. AND WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND DIRECT EXTENSION SO I CAN CALL YOU AT 4:30 IF THIS PERSON HASN’T SHOWN UP? He gives Scott his name and extension.

Now it is after 5 and I say to Scott, “Honey, they aren’t coming.” He picks up the phone. “If it were me, I would stop talking to these entry level folks and talk to a supervisor”. He makes a face. They answer, “I want to speak to a supervisor”. They get his name and info; it’s the same yahoo he talked to last time, “I want to be rescheduled for tomorrow, and I want priority – I want to be the first visit of the day.” I gave your information to our supervisor – he is coming over to personally install everything. He will be there in 15 minutes. “15 minutes” Scott tells me. I say okay and try to smile encouragingly.

The guy shows up - close to 15 minutes later, is there forever, and doesn’t even do everything. When he leaves we go run our errands that we have been waiting to do since 2 PM; so it’s nearly midnight when Scott sits down to watch some TV and unwind.

There is no TV. There is no internet.

Another round of phone calls to support. One woman has the audacity to tell Scott that their records show that the outlets were activated, so if he wants different outlets it’ll be a $75 charge per outlet to have someone come out to do that. “To fix that, you mean” No sir, I show here that you have 3 active outlets. If you want additional outlets it will be $75 for each additional outlet. “I don’t want additional outlets. I want the 3 outlets to work.” Yes sir, I understand. If you want additional outlets it will be $75 for each additional outlet. “You don’t understand. These aren’t additional outlets.” Sir, you have 3 active outlets. If you want additional outlets it will be $75 for each additional outlet. Me: “Honey, talk to someone else or get off the phone with that horrible woman.” He says “thank you” into the phone and hangs up.

The next morning he calls the cell phone for the yahoo who came over the day before. He comes back over, finds that the previous owners had installed a “blocker” because they had dish service. He acts like this whole thing is somehow Scott’s fault.

We hate them.

We have the same experience with this service and that service. Saturday night we tried to change our cell phone numbers from AZ numbers to VA numbers. Scott called early in the week to find out what the process was, and realized that we had a lot of deliveries where they only had our cells, so we put it off. Now we were ready. Scott called Sprint. They told him that in order to change his number, he would have to sign a 2-year contract. Scott gets a little indignant with the rep and hangs up. Scott tells me that we are keeping our AZ numbers because there is no way he is being held hostage like this. I agree, but I say, “you should call back and ask them what it’ll take to get us out of our contract. Quite frankly, we can go to a local dealership and sign a new contract with someone else if they are that unreasonable”. Scott dials. “If it were me," I say, "I’d talk to a supervisor”. The rep picks up, and Scott asks for a supervisor. The rep wants to know why, Scott tells him. He says that information is correct. Scott repeats that he wants a supervisor. He gets some lame reply that he’ll hear the same thing from the supervisor. Scott repeats himself again. Scott gets a supervisor. Scott tells him what both reps have said, the supervisor replies that the person he talked to is new. Scott asks if everyone is new, since they all say the same thing. The supervisor says they need to educate a few people. Scott says they need to take care of that. And then Scott says, “Regardless – that is your issue to resolve. As to my issue, I see that you have a choice: you can lose my business over this, or you can do right by me and fix this.”

We have new VA phone numbers. We do not have a new contract.

The thing that fries me is that front line people are not empowered. Do right by the customer. Use common sense.

Of course, for the lazy and incompetent you can’t do anything to empower them. The ones that are good become supervisors who have to supervise the lazy and incompetent. It’s a vicious cycle.

To me the most unfortunate thing in all of this is watching Scott develop that mental callus – realizing that when he hits a brick wall with these people, being the patient one, helping them figure it out and learn and become better at their jobs isn’t viable. Scott’s escalations, even though calm, could all have been avoided by the front line people doing the right thing, being good listeners, being competent, and caring about their customers.

Sometimes I ponder philosophical improbabilities. Can you imagine if Sartre was right and hell is other people? These people would spend all eternity trying to get help on the phone…from someone who can’t or won’t help.

Now that would be sweet. That would be a call I'd like to listen to.