News Kills The Story

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/wireStory?id=2400167

Summary: WASHINGTON Sep 6, 2006 (AP)— Scientists say abnormal "intersex" fish, with both male and female characteristics, have been discovered in the Potomac River and its tributaries across the Capitol Region, raising questions about how contaminants are affecting millions of people who drink tap water there.

Sara: This story is laughable. I mean, humans are so different than fish (as they even said, fish live in the water and are therefore exposed to these toxins more) and it would take thousands of years for that kind of mutation attributable to that source to happen.

Scott: Yeah

Sara: So while the fish aspect is fascinating, the humans will mutate hook is stupid.

Scott: Yeah

Sara: I'm more interested in why the scientists think the pollution is causing this type of mutation... or is there another cause? I mean, are there more female than male fish because males are more susceptible to the toxins, and therefore the fish have become multi-gendered to continue the propagation of the species? A kind of toxic Darwinism?

Scott: Yeah I was kinda wondering if it was more of a natural evolution since asexual reproduction would be more efficient than sexual reproduction.

Sara: Totally. Or is it something about fish physiology, like their gender isn't as clearly divided as humans, for example, and therefore the toxins are blending the line genetically.

The thing is - I think the news spins a human angle on it to make it newsworthy but I think that takes the interest out of it - to me the real interest is what the hell is up with the fish?

When they do that, it makes a story laughable to me, and then I do what I am doing with you - thinking about the story they should have done.

I'm thinking I am in the minority on this.

Scott: I agree on both points.

I sent this story to the hubby today because I found it laughable. But the more we talked, the more I found that it's the news itself that is laughable, not the individual stories. There are fascinating stories out there, but to be sensational these stupid spins are put on good topics that make the stories ridiculous.

Several weeks ago I read 10 stories about various end of the world plots and prophecies. As you may have noticed, none of them has yet come to pass (they all should have by now). I've gotten to the point where I see these headlines and I say, "shut up". Seriously, I've got shit to do - so either tell me that something is happening, has happened, has been prevented from happening, or... shut up. It isn't news if you are speculating about something that someone thinks may happen at some point. Those are called psychic premonitions. Psychic premonitions have no scientific basis (no, they do not, so shut up) and since they have yet to pass ARE NOT NEWS!

I think the beagle may howl when I prepare to leave the house tomorrow. Regardless of my historical data for my hypothesis, the fact that this event has yet to happen means it cannot be reported as BREAKING NEWS.

Also, if your stories are on par with the beagle story above, it's called fluff, and it doesn't qualify as news either.

General rule:

• happened, happening = news
• not yet happened = prognostication (i.e. NOT NEWS)