Ask Sarcastica

Dear Sarcastica,
You seemed really pissy last week. Are you okay?
Signed,
Concerned Reader

Dear Polly Prissy Pants,
Aaaaand your point would be?

Dear Sarcastica,
They are sending my job overseas! The anti-American bastards! What should I do to get even?
Signed,
Patriotic and Pissed Off

Dear It's Better to be Pissed Off,
You could spend all your free time picketing the White House. Or, you know, you could look for another job - cause one of these things will feed, clothe, and house you, and the other will do so at the taxpayers' expense.

Dear Sarcastica,
I'm sick of all this PC bullshit. I want to act like Dr. House! Are you with me?
Signed,
Mad as Hell

Dear PinC,
Um, listen, few people are cute enough to get away with acting like a first-rate asshole. It also helps to be clever.

Since you are neither, I suggest you leave the blatant snarking to me and Greg.

Dear Sarcastica,
My husband never helps out around the house. Do you have any advice?
Signed,
Knee Deep in Dirt

Dear Cinderella,
This is an easy one. You either a) bribe him with sex (or whatever he wants) or b) you hire a cleaning service.

Or, you could adopt a handful of children who are old enough to be potty trained, yet young enough that they don't know how to drive (limit the escape options). I mean, how great would it be to have an entire cleaning staff that you pay with Mac-N-Cheese?

Dear Sarcastica,
There are all these stories in the news about pit bulls killing people and towns like Denver outlawing the breed. Do you think we should get rid of pit bulls?
Signed,
Scared of Dogs

Dear Dumbass,
People are responsible. People train their dogs to sit, stay, and some assholes train them to kill. The dog is just doing what it has learned to do.

I say anyone that trains a household dog (i.e. not police or military) to use deadly force against other dogs or humans should be stripped, covered in peanut butter and honey, and dropped in the wilderness between a bee farm and a wild bear sanctuary. Let's see how those assholes like getting ripped to shreds.