Signs Your Spouse Would Murder You

Good Morning America posted this helpful list on ABC news to give us some insight into whether or not our spouses are homicidal maniacs.

I've constructed my own list of signs that your death at the hands of a loved one is imminent:

1. He spends a great deal of time sharpening his new axe and calling it "my precious".
2. He holds flower arrangement pictures near your head and says, "this will nicely match the coffin".
3. Your insurance agent calls to verify the increase in your policy payout amount, and the addition of a number of unusual 'accidental death' clauses.
4. While reading the newspaper you stumble across your own obituary.
5. All the sugar and sugar substitute in your house smells like almonds.
6. He has rented a series of movies about 'the perfect murder' and is taking copious notes.
7. You receive a ticking package with a note on top that you should only open when alone.
8. He books a trip and neglects to make your ticket round-trip.
9. He's doing his best Elmer Fudd impersonation all day long, but his 'wabbit' sounds an awful lot like 'wife'.
10. He puts a note in your lunch that says, "I'm sure gonna miss you!"